I remember the months when I was researching and reading everything I could get my hands on about homeschooling when my oldest was about 2 ½ -3 years old. I was a preschool teacher before I had him and I didn't see the use of sending my baby to preschool when I could teach all of what he would learn. I wasn't big on letting go of my baby for several hours a day at this point.
I found a local homeschool group. I had gotten their name from another group and their phone number (no one had websites then). I called and talked to the nicest lady. Becky was her name. I still know and respect Becky so many years later. She encouraged me to come to a park day and a Mom's Night Out. I wasn't so sure. But, I made an effort to go to the MNO. I was completely overwhelmed by what they knew and how they seemed so nonchalant about what they were doing.
Well, months passed and I was doing school stuff with my big boy and we were having so much fun. I found a couple of moms to meet at the park occasionally, but that never seemed to go over well. Honestly, the other kids were mean. Hitting and biting and my kid was always on the receiving end of this. He hated it. I hated it. We stopped.
Then came baby number 2. He was very ill and all thoughts of school were on the back burner. His stint in hospitals and monitoring blood and meds lasted for several months. But, once we were home safe and sound, I really kicked into germ mode. KIDS ARE GERMS. Other peoples kids of course.
 |
| Germ filled monster. Just look at him ready to spread germs to my darlings..... |
After having such a sick baby I was terrified of him getting sick again. I kicked schooling the boys into high gear. I tried to go to another MNO or two of that group I had found but, was always so overwhelmed. They were so nice but, I just couldn't get past all of their sharing of how this could work. It was too much at once.
We went like this until my oldest became 6. That is the age for mandatory attendance in school of some form. It was kindergarten. Come on, I could do kindergarten, right? How hard can it be? I went back to that homeschool group and devoured all the info I could. Curriculum, schedules, books, classes, groups, park days, you name it. I was in. But just for kindergarten. Only weird Kool-aid mustache kids with big hairy dogs in station wagons homeschooled. And I really refused to wear a denim jumper (the "required" uniform of all homeschool moms).
Kindergarten was over and now we were looking at 1st grade. I went back to the sparse internet to find chat rooms of homeschoolers. Maybe I could find some people to connect with. The first group I found was having a park day. It was close so we went. I introduced ourselves and the kids were off to play. After a few minutes my oldest came to me and said, "Mom, the kids are all wearing small bags around their necks. Why?"
I had no idea. So I asked, thinking maybe they had all made a craft or something. The other moms told us they were the kids bags of spells. That it was to protect them and get them used to having them with them. I was somewhat shocked. I asked what kind of teaching they were using (trying not to be rude). They said they were a group that practiced Wicca. Really. Wicca.
We left. I did much research on them after that meeting and was amazed at all that the Wicca community had said about homeschooling and how important it was to them to have the freedom to teach their kids their beliefs. I didn't go back to the group but, I gained enormous respect for them and their beliefs.
The next local group I found was at a park just down the street. I checked to see their beliefs and found they were an open group to any belief. I figured, well that might be a fit. But, I wasn't going to jump in and join the group playing right away this time. My kids and I held back and played on our own while I watched to get an idea of who these people were.
You will never guess what showed up! Seriously. It was like a page out of my fears. An old wooden paneled station wagon pulled up and parked.
| It wasn't this nice. |
| This big dirty beast. |
And to top it all off, the mom gets out of the coughing station wagon in a.... Wait for it.....
| That was not making me happy at all. I am not going to wear one of those. |
So, I was trying to get over my shock that exactly what I had told my husband my vision of what homeschool families are like, just stepped into my line of view, when these kids started beating the crud out of each other. Girls, boys all of them, hitting and wacking each other. They had lightsabers, wooden swords and even sticks. It looked like Lord of the Flies. I wondered how long before the moms noticed. I realized the moms were encouraging it. Cheering them on and laughing.
"O.K. Boys we are out of here."
All I could think is that, I was right. All homeschoolers are WEIRDOS. Really. Now what? I needed help navigating the basics of homeschool but, I cannot connect with these people. They and I are not the same. HELP.
After agonizing over all of this for a couple of weeks. I signed us back up to homeschool and tried to reconnect with the original group I had talked to. Sweet Becky was there again. She got me signed up in the group so I could get the paper newsletter in the mail. (I'm telling you this was 15 years ago).
I got the newsletter and read it. OK, I should meet these people. So, I started going to the MNO. I was so uncomfortable I didn't know anyone and I really was brand new. These ladies had been doing this forever. They would try to help me and I would leave feeling like I was drowning. Like I had been blasted all night with a fire hose. I would come home and my husband would ask how it was. I would want to cry but, I stayed positive for him. "It was fine. The ladies are nice. I have a lot to learn."
I would spend hours at night and at nap time following bunny trail after bunny trail on the internet. Remember, the internet was very unsophisticated. Yahoo groups were king. I read and read and took notes. I learned about so many different kinds of ways to homeschool. So many curriculums and Styles. I didn't know there was a style of homeschooling. And the groups all said you needed to declare your style. Some groups were very exclusive and high IQ's and some were so lackadaisical, they played Legos all day long. There was the " you have to write out all lesson plans and follow them to a tee groups" and the "all play is school. Don't worry. They'll learn eventually". I wasn't buying either group. I had to find my own ground. I needed something in the middle. I went to the book store (we had so many books stores then. No Amazon), and thumbed through many books. Again ranging from one extreme to the other. I found a few I thought might be helpful.
The Unschooling Handbook This book was great. It gave me a good overview of what really Unschooling is. That it isn't lazy parenting. That it was actually way more work for the parent if done the right way.
Should I Homeschool by Elizabeth and Dan Hamilton. This is an old book. Written in 1997. But, it gave a great over view of what homeschooling was and where to start.
There were so many more. Some of them weren't very helpful. But these were the first ones. Now there is a plethora of books and information. Maybe too much. It can get mind boggling. But, remember you are doing this for your family. Not just for you and not just for your children.
I know you think you are doing this for your children. Just wait. You will be surprised who it is that changes and grows because of this new adventure you are looking into. You will grow so much. I went through all of the emotions you are, and all of the same fears. What if I mess up my kid? What if he ends up having to live with me for the rest of his life because he can't function in society? What if he never gets married because he's weird? What if he can't be a good employee? What if he doesn't go to prom? How will it effect him if he never has a group of kids to get together with 20 years from now for a reunion? Will he have friends? How can I teach him to read? Write properly? Do I have to let him dissect a frog on my kitchen counter???? Am I qualified? Am I able to do this? Will my husband support this? Will my extended family think I'm crazy? (Mine already did). Will he be normal? Wait! What is normal? And so many more of these kind of questions floated in my head at 2am. I prayed so much.
Please believe me. This is life changing. You will become a better person and more well rounded as well from doing this. I realized how much I didn't know. Guess what? I learned so much more then I ever did in school. And I was actually enjoying it. Now that doesn't mean that all days are rosey and fun. No way. So many days I left the table thinking, this is crazy. Why am I subjecting myself and my kids to this? Why not send them to school and get my life back. I could have a clean house and time to do things. I don't even know what things I would do now but, I'm sure there are things. When Jr. High hit for each of my boys, I actually cried a few times. I lost it. I yelled. gasp. Everyone knows that a homeschool mom is full of immeasurable amounts of patience. NOT. But, we stuck it out and we started to have familiar people we saw at assemblies and park days with this homeschool group. I could actually talk to these ladies and ask if I was going crazy or if I was doing it all wrong and should just cut my losses. Without me realizing it I found a friend that I could call on the phone (before text and Facebook) and vent a little and laugh a lot. I don't know that she was my best friend in the whole world, but she was my homeschool friend that was in the trench next to me.
As time went on I had baby number 3 and 4. Baby number 3 put me on I bedrest for 6 months. Everyone asked if I'd put the boys in school. All I could think was, WERE THEY CRAZY? There was a good portion of that was selfishness. I was a afraid I'd curl up and die without my boys to be here. That I would feel I had failed. (this is my feelings. Not what anyone else should feel or believe). Also, it really seemed like I would be sending them away in the middle of life. Shouldn't they be a part of our family and what is going on? We homeschooled through it and it was the best thing for us. We got so close and have so many stories and really my kids learned so much that year. We had an amazing curriculum that year. It was the first year I had bought a curriculum in a box. An all in one.
It was called
My Father's World Exploring Countries and Cultures
I had never done this kind of curriculum and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it. It was all scheduled out and planned out so overwhelming. I'm more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I like a spine but, not a full fleshed out thing like this. I learned quickly that I don't have to do everything on the schedule. I can and should make any curriculum I am using my own. This realization is huge. If you are new, you are thinking, how? I'm not a teacher. I don't have a degree. I don't know how to do this. You will learn I promise. Give yourself permission to not do everything. It is freeing and empowering. This is one of the biggest benefits that I have gotten from homeschooling my kids. Strength and the ability to say, "enough." I know it sounds weird but, you can do this.
Last night I did a homeschool information night with a dear friend. There were probably 12 people there, including 2 dads. My friend and I took turns answering questions, and sharing what we could. I felt badly looking into these moms and dads faces and seeing all of the stress, confusion and bewilderment on them. I wish I could do it for you. Give you a curriculum and hold your hand. Help you execute it. But, this is like labor. You can have whoever you choose to be there helping and coaching you but, no one is pushing that baby out but, you. I can share my experiences and give any advice you ask for; and I will but, again, you can do this.
Never in time has there been so many options available to you and so confusing. There are so many curriculums, styles, beliefs. When someone tells you this is the only way to teach something stop and re-think it. Truth is, there are a million ways to teach anything and so much to learn and teach. It is limitless what you could teach and all learn together. We have done some boxed curriculum, we've done Unit Studies, we've done some of the latest and greatest that others talk about and we have done some of the very old McGuffey reader type of schooling. I am sure there are many more ways we will find to teach and learn over the years to come. But, the questions I ask for my family are; are you learning anything of value, are you enjoying it at all? Is there something else you want to learn?
Again I say, you can do this. And you aren't alone. We should all be grateful to the families that pioneered this for us all in the 1980's and 1990's. The ones that did this when it was thought to be illegal and there was no curriculum for them to wade through. They did this (denim jumpers and all) so that we can have the freedom to teach our children.
One more thing. Homesschoolers are all different. There are Brainiacs, Hippies, Religious, Atheist, Athletes, Surfers, Fast Food Lovers, Organic Crunchies, Liberals, Conservatives, and so much more.
You cannot put homeschoolers in a box anymore and assume they are all alike. I truly haven't seen those station wagon, Kool-Aid mustache homeschoolers again but, I suppose they are still out there too. Just know there is one rule when you homeschool and that is that you are a veteran homeschooler to anyone that you have homeschooled one day longer then someone else. And we are all going for the same goal: happy, healthy children. So we always help others out, no matter what our differences are.
Have fun. Stop and watch the caterpillars crawl. This is an amazing lifestyle you are choosing.
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