How to Find Some Sanity With a Mind Dump.

     Let me start by saying that I totally understand the way a woman's mind works as far as the way each subject intertwines with the next. Our minds are like spaghetti. Each thought easily slips to the next without any explanation as to how I got from the grocery list to where I left my pedometer, to why the kids have been irritated with each other, to when the last time was I changed the sheets.




     This is a normal flow of thoughts for me and I know for many women. Add a husband, and children into the mix and wow it can now go through this and so much more at lightening speed. Sometimes without the ability for me to slow it down, much less stop it to say... sleep. Praying is when I get in trouble. Prayer is supposed to be a time to sit and be still with God. UUMMMM, well.... that is almost impossible some days. Even some weeks. So why? Why did God make us this way?
      We as moms, as women are made to multitask. It is a gift and a curse. But, we do it all day long. I don't even go to the bathroom without either having something to look over or have to answer 12 questions of my children.  My answer to so much of this almost chaotic mind buzz has been a list. A simple form I made up. I use a steno pad and have it with me all the time. I can use it to write all kinds of things down when I need to. But, I mostly use it to keep my day/week all together so I don't miss anything. 

     Well, that works pretty well. How often does something different then your usual daily stuff come along and blow up your spaghetti mind? Makes it swirl and whirl to such a speed that I can almost not do anything that isn't auto pilot and stare into nothingness, not knowing how or where to start attacking each thing. Maybe it's a new deadline, maybe a new baby, a new puppy, maybe potty training, or school starting, a friendship dying out, a child going through a new phase, husband having  stuff at work that is weighing heavy on him. Any of these issues and so much more can send us into a tailspin. 

      So, now that I have pointed out the obvious, what can we do?  While on my hike one morning I was really struggling with being able to pray. I couldn't get my mind to form any sort of straight line of thought. My brain was whirling like that ride at the fair that you stand up and are strapped to the wall. Finally, I just cried out. "OH Lord! Help me with my schedule and my responsibilities. You can see them much clearer then I and can see where I need to prioritize. I'm too close to see clearly.  I have an overwhelming desire to sit down in all of it and do nothing. Please Lord help me."

      This may sound like a petty prayer to some. I mean, I'm not asking God to cure cancer or heal a sickness or even to find someone a job. I was asking him to help me with my schedule. A daily thing everyone has and must deal with. I must just be too weak to handle what I have on my plate. I mean other people do this sort of thing all the time without crying out to God.  These were my thoughts or actually the enemies. Because, why do I not think that God cares about my daily activities as well as my sanity. Let's face it. Those daily tasks and thoughts are what makes up our sanity.

      I got the strangest answer ever. The theology of how or anything else doesn't matter. I know the answer was from Him who loves me and wants me to be sane and capable. 

      The words I got in my brain were....MIND DUMP. Really? What in the world?

Inside of my brain.

     Then I saw it unfold in my minds eye. A long paper, actually pages taped together to make a sort of time line type of thing. Then I was to dump it all. Not randomly but in an order so I could see everything that I was responsible for. And by seeing it and writing it all in its own place, it was easier to see it all at once instead of thinking about it all at once. Now I don't know if it would work for you but, it helped me. Here is part of my mind dump. It is messy and not fancy. I guess I could go back and make it nicer but, I'm not sure how long I will need it. 

Yes, I know it is simple and a bit ugly but, it helped me get my spaghetti brain in perspective and then I was able to see what things were important and what wasn't.  I put at the top of each page a topic that was the main topic in my brain; like relationships, Faith, household, maintenance, homeschool, and several others. Then under the main topic I made sub topics (some times I had to add a page in between) like, under homeschool I put Organizing, planning, daily executing. Then I would add what I needed to do under that subcategory; Clean out school room, put together and clean out old supplies and list what I need new, set up all curriculum so that it is easily accessible, set up the desks, tables,  folders, etc. Anything I could think of to get ready. 

      One thing I realized in the mind dump was how many things weren't a permanent topic. Once school started back up that section would shrink tremendously. As well as, a few other topics would also be completed. Not an ongoing thing. That helped me realize that if I could put as many of those short term things in the top priority spots to get accomplished, I could slowly clear up my poor over worked brain. 

     Most of the items on the mind dump don't go away. And new items will fill up the finished ones, but this was a great way for me to stop and get off the Tilt-A-World that was my mind and grab that bull by the horns. I felt like I had some control over what my day would look like.

     I don't know if you are going through this Tilt-A-World kind of day but, if you are I encourage you to do your own mind dump. I realize it could be in a circle or a cluster or even a straight line, it doesn't matter, just however your mind works. I liked the timeline because for me, it was easy to make and to add things in the middle of a line by un-taping and adding a blank page. 

     I hope I have helped you today with my crazy thoughts and ideas. Let me know if you got anything from this today.

     Now to drink my "Yucky Tea" and build a book shelf.

New to Homeschooling? You Can Do It.

     I remember the months when I was researching and reading everything I could get my hands on about homeschooling when my oldest was about 2 ½ -3 years old. I was a preschool teacher before I had him and I didn't see the use of sending my baby to preschool when I could teach all of what he would learn. I wasn't big on letting go of my baby for several hours a day at this point.
     I found a local homeschool group. I had gotten their name from another group and their phone number (no one had websites then). I called and talked to the nicest lady. Becky was her name. I still know and respect Becky so many years later. She encouraged me to come to a park day and a Mom's Night Out. I wasn't so sure. But, I made an effort to go to the MNO. I was completely overwhelmed by what they knew and how they seemed so nonchalant about what they were doing.
      Well, months passed and I was doing school stuff with my big boy and we were having so much fun. I found a couple of moms to meet at the park occasionally, but that never seemed to go over well. Honestly, the other kids were mean. Hitting and biting and my kid was always on the receiving end of this. He hated it. I hated it. We stopped.
      Then came baby number 2. He was very ill and all thoughts of school were on the back burner. His stint in hospitals and monitoring blood and meds lasted for several months. But, once we were home safe and sound, I really kicked into germ mode. KIDS ARE GERMS. Other peoples kids of course.

Germ filled monster. Just look at him ready to spread germs to my darlings.....

     After having such a sick baby I was terrified of him getting sick again. I kicked schooling the boys into high gear. I tried to go to another MNO or two of that group I had found but, was always so overwhelmed. They were so nice but, I just couldn't get past all of their sharing of how this could work. It was too much at once.
     We went like this until my oldest became 6. That is the age for mandatory attendance in school of some form. It was kindergarten. Come on, I could do kindergarten, right? How hard can it be? I went back to that homeschool group and devoured all the info I could. Curriculum, schedules, books, classes, groups, park days, you name it. I was in. But just for kindergarten. Only weird Kool-aid mustache kids with big hairy dogs in station wagons homeschooled. And I really refused to wear a denim jumper (the "required" uniform of all homeschool moms).
      Kindergarten was over and now we were looking at 1st grade. I went back to the sparse internet to find chat rooms of homeschoolers. Maybe I could find some people to connect with. The first group I found was having a park day. It was close so we went. I introduced ourselves and the kids were off to play. After a few minutes my oldest came to me and said, "Mom, the kids are all wearing small bags around their necks. Why?"
      I had no idea. So I asked, thinking maybe they had all made a craft or something. The other moms told us they were the kids bags of spells. That it was to protect them and get them used to having them with them.  I was somewhat shocked. I asked what kind of teaching they were using (trying not to be rude). They said they were a group that practiced Wicca. Really. Wicca.
     We left. I did much research on them after that meeting and was amazed at all that the Wicca community had said about homeschooling and how important it was to them to have the freedom to teach their kids their beliefs. I didn't go back to the group but, I gained enormous respect for them and their beliefs.
      The next local group I found was at a park just down the street. I checked to see their beliefs and found they were an open group to any belief. I figured, well that might be a fit. But, I wasn't going to jump in and join the group playing right away this time. My kids and I held back and played on our own while I watched to get an idea of who these people were.
      You will never guess what showed up! Seriously. It was like a page out of my fears. An old wooden paneled station wagon pulled up and parked.

It wasn't this nice.

It was very dirty with a bent antenna. When the doors open a giant, dirty, hairy sheep dog jumped out.

This big dirty beast.

Then came the kids. There must have been 6 of them. All wearing very wrinkled and looked kinda dirty clothes. It looked like they may have slept in them. All of their hair was everywhere. AND (I'm not kidding), they all had what appeared to be Kool-Aid stains on their upper lips. Kool-Aid mustaches.




And to top it all off, the mom gets out of the coughing station wagon in a.... Wait for it.....

That was not making me happy at all. I am not going to wear one of those.

DENIM JUMPER.
     So, I was trying to get over my shock that exactly what I had told my husband my vision of what homeschool families are like, just stepped into my line of view, when these kids started beating the crud out of each other. Girls, boys all of them, hitting and wacking each other. They had lightsabers, wooden swords and even sticks. It looked like Lord of the Flies. I wondered how long before the moms noticed. I realized the moms were encouraging it. Cheering them on and laughing.
     "O.K. Boys we are out of here."
All I could think is that, I was right. All homeschoolers are WEIRDOS. Really. Now what? I needed help navigating the basics of homeschool but, I cannot connect with these people. They and I are not the same. HELP.
     After agonizing over all of this for a couple of weeks. I signed us back up to homeschool and tried to reconnect with the original group I had talked to. Sweet Becky was there again. She got me signed up in the group so I could get the paper newsletter in the mail. (I'm telling you this was 15 years ago).
     I got the newsletter and read it. OK, I should meet these people. So, I started going to the MNO.  I was so uncomfortable I didn't know anyone and I really was brand new. These ladies had been doing this forever. They would try to help me and I would leave feeling like I was drowning. Like I had been blasted all night with a fire hose. I would come home and my husband would ask how it was. I would want to cry but, I stayed positive for him. "It was fine. The ladies are nice. I have a lot to learn."
     I would spend hours at night and at nap time following bunny trail after bunny trail on the internet. Remember, the internet was very unsophisticated. Yahoo groups were king. I read and read and took notes. I learned about so many different kinds of ways to homeschool. So many curriculums and Styles. I didn't know there was a style of homeschooling. And the groups all said you needed to declare your style. Some groups were very exclusive and high IQ's and some were so lackadaisical, they played Legos all day long.  There was the " you have to write out all lesson plans and follow them to a tee groups" and the "all play is school. Don't worry. They'll learn eventually".  I wasn't buying either group. I had to find my own ground. I needed something in the middle. I went to the book store (we had so many books stores then. No Amazon), and thumbed through many books. Again ranging from one extreme to the other. I found a few I thought might be helpful.

The Unschooling Handbook This book was great. It gave me a good overview of what really Unschooling is. That it isn't lazy parenting. That it was actually way more work for the parent if done the right way.

Should I Homeschool by Elizabeth and Dan Hamilton. This is an old book. Written in 1997. But, it gave a great over view of what homeschooling was and where to start.

There were so many more. Some of them weren't very helpful. But these were the first ones. Now there  is a plethora of books and information. Maybe too much. It can get mind boggling. But, remember you are doing this for your family. Not just for you and not just for your children.

      I know you think you are doing this for your children.  Just wait. You will be surprised who it is that changes and grows because of this new adventure you are looking into. You will grow so much. I went through all of the emotions you are, and all of the same fears. What if I mess up my kid? What if he ends up having to live with me for the rest of his life because he can't function in society? What if he never gets married because he's weird? What if he can't be a good employee? What if he doesn't go to prom? How will it effect him if he never has a group of kids to get together with 20 years from now for a reunion? Will he have friends? How can I teach him to read? Write properly? Do I have to let him dissect a frog on my kitchen counter???? Am I qualified? Am I able to do this? Will my husband support this? Will my extended family think I'm crazy? (Mine already did). Will he be normal? Wait! What is normal? And so many more of these kind of questions floated in my head at 2am. I prayed so much.
     Please believe me.  This is life changing. You will become a better person and more well rounded as well from doing this. I realized how much I didn't know.  Guess what? I learned so much more then I ever did in school. And I was actually enjoying it. Now that doesn't mean that all days are rosey and fun. No way. So many days I left the table thinking, this is crazy. Why am I subjecting myself and my kids to this? Why not send them to school and get my life back. I could have a clean house and time to do things. I don't even know what things I would do now but, I'm sure there are things. When Jr. High hit for each of my boys, I actually cried a few times. I lost it. I yelled. gasp.  Everyone knows that a homeschool mom is full of immeasurable amounts of patience. NOT.    But, we stuck it out and we started to have familiar people we saw at assemblies and park days with this homeschool group. I could actually talk to these ladies and ask if I was going crazy or if I was doing it all wrong and should just cut my losses.  Without me realizing it I found a friend that I could call on the phone (before text and Facebook) and vent a little and laugh a lot. I don't know that she was my best friend in the whole world, but she was my homeschool friend that was in the trench next to me.
      As time went on I had baby number 3 and 4. Baby number 3 put me on I bedrest for 6 months. Everyone asked if I'd put the boys in school. All I could think was, WERE THEY CRAZY? There was a good portion of that was selfishness. I was a afraid I'd curl up and die without my boys to be here. That I would feel I had failed. (this is my feelings. Not what anyone else should feel or believe).   Also, it really seemed like I would be sending them away in the middle of life. Shouldn't they be a part of our family and what is going on? We homeschooled through it and it was the best thing for us. We got so close and have so many stories and really my kids learned so much that year. We had an amazing curriculum that year. It was the first year I had bought a curriculum in a box. An all in one.
It was called

My Father's World Exploring Countries and Cultures


I had never done this kind of curriculum and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it. It was all scheduled out and planned out so overwhelming. I'm more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I like a spine but, not a full fleshed out thing like this. I learned quickly that I don't have to do everything on the schedule. I can and should make any curriculum I am using my own.  This realization is huge. If you are new, you are thinking, how? I'm not a teacher. I don't have a degree. I don't know how to do this. You will learn I promise. Give yourself permission to not do everything.  It is freeing and empowering. This is one of the biggest benefits that I have gotten from homeschooling my kids. Strength and the ability to say, "enough." I know it sounds weird but, you can do this.
     Last night I did a homeschool information night with a dear friend. There were probably 12 people there, including 2 dads. My friend and I took turns answering questions, and sharing what we could. I felt badly looking into these moms and dads faces and seeing all of the stress, confusion and bewilderment on them.  I wish I could do it for you. Give you a curriculum and hold your hand. Help you execute it. But, this is like labor. You can have whoever you choose to be there helping and coaching you but, no one is pushing that baby out but, you. I can share my experiences and give any advice you ask for; and I will but, again, you can do this.

     Never in time has there been so many options available to you and so confusing. There are so many curriculums, styles, beliefs.  When someone tells you this is the only way to teach something stop and re-think it. Truth is, there are a million ways to teach anything and so much to learn and teach. It is limitless what you could teach and all learn together. We have done some boxed curriculum, we've done Unit Studies, we've done some of the latest and greatest that others talk about and we have done some of the very old McGuffey reader type of schooling. I am sure there are many more ways we will find to teach and learn over the years to come. But, the questions I ask for my family are; are you learning anything of value, are you enjoying it at all? Is there something else you want to learn?
     Again I say, you can do this. And you aren't alone. We should all be grateful to the families that pioneered this for us all in the 1980's and 1990's. The ones that did this when it was thought to be illegal and there was no curriculum for them to wade through. They did this (denim jumpers and all) so that we can have the freedom to teach our children.
     One more thing. Homesschoolers are all different. There are Brainiacs, Hippies, Religious, Atheist,  Athletes, Surfers, Fast Food Lovers, Organic Crunchies, Liberals, Conservatives, and so much more.














You cannot put homeschoolers in a box anymore and assume they are all alike. I truly haven't seen those station wagon, Kool-Aid mustache homeschoolers again but, I suppose they are still out there too.  Just know there is one rule when you homeschool and that is that you are a veteran homeschooler to anyone that you have homeschooled one day longer then someone else. And we are all going for the same goal: happy, healthy children. So we always help others out, no matter what our differences are.
     Have fun. Stop and watch the caterpillars crawl. This is an amazing lifestyle you are choosing.

Hiking Or Empty Head Syndrome

   

Patriot's Trail. There is a lovely American Flag at the end.

      So, I am not an exercise person. I know it's healthy. I know it is good for me. I know it will help me feel better and live longer. But, I just don't like it. I have done years of exercise. I used countless videos. I belonged to a gym and even taught aerobics in high school, but I hated it. Every minute of it. I smiled. I high fived. Climbed higher on that stair master. I even told everyone how good it was for us all. 
      As I have gotten older, I have tried many different kinds of exercise. I always come back to walking. I love to walk. I know it isn't overly strenuous but it is exercise. I've never really lost any weight doing it. But, I do feel good and get some fresh air. 
     We have recently moved to the bottom of a canyon.  There are all of these paths going all over these hills. So many trails. I never thought I liked hiking. I hate the heat and often feel like I am melting when I get over heated (another reason I hate to exercise). since the middle of the day usually on an RV trip somewhere was when I had ever hiked, I assumed hiking equalled heat. I decided one day I was going to go for a walk up in the hills. It was nice. I went early. It was cool. There were birds and rabbits, not many people. It was perfect. Except it was hard to get up the hill. I figured I'd keep trying. And I did.
     Now I've been hiking for about 8 weeks. I am getting much more adventurous. I try some of the bike trails and have been doing an average of 2-3 miles each morning. I have to be back for my kids in the morning. I can only really spare a hour to an hour and a half. So far I have had many ups and downs as you can imagine. I have fallen down one of those bike trails. I hurt my ankle pretty badly. I only missed a couple of days and kept at it. I am a little nervous of steep hills going down now. I really need some shoes with more tread too.




     

      I have also run into some wild life. I have seen coyotes a couple of times. That has prompted me to not take my little 8lb. Shitz-poo puppy anymore. She likes it but, she would be a delicious snack. 
     I am faced with why I am continuing if I, again, am not losing any weight. Well, I am really noticing that I am able to clean out my mind. As a mom of 4 kids, homeschool, have my own independent distributorship that I am doing as a business, helping my husband update his construction business (bring it into the current decade), keep the house up, feed my family, and so much more that we moms do every day, I wake up with my mind buzzing. I know so many of you do too. I start making lists and categorizing everything I need to do. Make menus and take stock, in my head, what I have for making dinner that night. I start with all of the "what I need to do's". I start telling myself, that I don't have time to walk. That I really can't take the time to do it. I guilt myself into remembering all that I should do to help everyone else. I have never been a believer that I have to put myself first. I just am not. I have watched many kids and marriages suffer from the belief that everyone has to make themselves happy first. I do believe, however, that there is a happy medium. We can't alway be self sacrificing or we will start to feel like martyrs. 
     So, I get up quietly get my clothes on. Put on my workout pack (glorified fanny pack). It carries my water, phone and an air horn for the coyotes. I put on my shoes. Apply Lime and Peppermint Essential Oils onto my chest (opens the airways). Clip my pedometer (I've been using a Fit Bit Zip on and grab a protein drink (I love Orgain Organic High Protein drink. ) I get my walking stick that my husband made and off I go.  
      When I first start out my brain keeps swirling and twirling with the amazing amount of things I need to do and remember. I let it do this for about the first ⅓ of the walk.  I will continue with the mounds of imaginary paper work in my head. Filing this, adding that, checking this. 

Head above the clouds feeling.

     That's when it happens.   
     It always surprises me. 
     My mind kind of, exhales. I feel a clearing of the fog. A fresh feeling. I will usually start praying about now. Praying about all I had just gone through and about each of my family. Sometimes I spend the whole rest of the walk talking to God about all I need and  am grateful for and what I would love to be blessed with. And sometimes, you won't believe it, sometimes, my mind empties. It is the most clear and light feeling ever. Like the clouds parting on a particularly cloudy gray day. I am usually at the top and can see this view that seems to go from one end of the world to the other. I can see all the way around me. An entire 180 degree view and it is phenomenal. Breath taking. 
     Suddenly, nothing else matters. Time isn't important. Lists aren't important, bills, schedules, laundry, cleaning, social media, appointments, family disagreements, nothing. Nothing is important because I can see all of it from a view that is so high up that those things become ant problems. So tiny. Now I know they don't go away. But, to get above them, out of the clouds gives a whole new perspective. I mean, my head is literally above the clouds and gloom and worry. I can see what the big picture is. 
     I have asked my family at times to go with me. Both of my teenage boys have gone at times and my husband. But, usually I'm alone. Not so great in case of coyote but, really good for clearing the head.  I have asked my husband to start coming with me. I am hoping that we both can have this feeling before we start our day. Maybe take our Bible with and read when we get to the top for a bit before we finish the walk. ( It is a strenuous walk and I  have to stop and catch my breath often anyway).
     I come down off the hill feeling like I am ready for the day. Sometimes, I get started while I'm catching my breath on the swing out front. I'll start answering e-mails and texts and almost forget that I need to go in and shower, dress and get moving.





      So, as far as exercise goes, I still don't see myself as much of an exercise person, and I'm not the queen of the hike. I just know that I am truly loving my time with God and His creation. I also know that by taking that time in the morning I am able to get my mind clear and start from square one. Not in the middle of 12 things at once. 
      If you are like me and find yourself feeling mottled and frustrated, I say, Go take a hike. It just might help you find a new perspective.

I cannot wear that many clothes. Whew! Making me hot looking at them.

MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE

 

      I am a housewife, homemaker, Stay at home mom, Domestic Engineer, Queen of the Castle, Director of our home security and health, V.P. of House and Home, Residential Coordinator, CEO of my clan, (my favorite) Home and Life Coordinator. Don't forget Domestic Goddess. And the actual title my family has given me, KILLER OF FUN! 






What does all of this mean? They are titles. Labels. Some labels we wear proudly, others we are not so happy with. 
     All moms have similarities in how we do what we do. Whether we work out of the home, have an extra job in the home, or focus completely on our children and the household duties. Some of us cook every meal, some clean their own house, some send out their laundry, whatever or however you do this job, doesn't mean you are doing it the right or wrong way. 
     There is a commercial on TV showing all the different groups of moms that they have labeled. The breast feeders, the executives, on and on.... but, the truth is, we are moms. And just as there are a million different personalities in our collective children, there is a million different ways to parent each personality.  
     Ladies, we are on the same side. We all need a kind word. We all need help remembering that we are human beings and not just burp rags. We need a hug from time to time, or not because we are tired of being touched!  
     None of us have it easier or harder. We have it different. And we have set up the way we are going through this jungle of Mommydom the best way we know how. We make decisions based on the best knowledge we have at the time. Not one of us would ever make a decisions we believed wasn't the best choice for our family. We wouldn't make a choice to intentionally hurt our little ones. When we look at another mom and think that the choices they are making are horrible and so bad for their kids, what should we do? Talk behind their backs? Blast anyone who makes those choices as terrible parents? We have enough mommy-guilt of our own not to be adding to others guilt monsters.  
     I have 4 children. The oldest is about to be 18 and the youngest is about to be 7. I have changed so many things as time has gone on about how I parent. I have also changed how I parent according to the child I'm dealing with.   There is no perfect parenting theory. There is no magic thing that makes all of life easy and fun all the time. You've heard that anything this important is going to be a lot of work. It will keep you up nights, it will make you cry and have you on your knees several times before they leave the house and I suspect, many times after.
     I propose a new idea. Actually, it is a super old one. Let's support each other. Let's support each mom as if she was your sister. Not all of us have sisters and some of us have sisters that we don't completely get along with. And some of us were blessed with sisters as best friends. This means we don't have to adore all of the different moms in the world. We just have to help and smile and acknowledge that you understand. Know that we are a sisterhood. A group of women that understand some things in this life better then anyone else. You want someone to acknowledge how hard a C-section is? Find another mom that has had one. Our husbands and friends without kids try, but it isn't the same. My darling husband is great. And he really tries to understand. When it comes to some additive in food, or how our little girls should dress or not dress, the look the teenage girl in the mall gave our teenage son.....  NO one understands your concerns, your freak outs, your struggles of staying awake to see if they are still breathing, better then another mom.
      Whether you breast feed or not - Maybe you could ask a mom you see struggling with keeping herself covered out of modesty and exhaustion a knowing smile or a word of encouragement. "You are doing a great job." " That must be difficult to keep covered the whole time like that in this heat." 
      Maybe you see a mom with a screaming little one desperately looking for a place to add water to her babes bottle to feed him. Maybe you can help out. Look around. Do you see a drinking fountain? We all know that a mom can't think or see or talk intelligently while her baby is screaming. A little kindness from mom to mom goes a long way. 
      When I go into the store with my younger ones and I see a mom struggling with a tantrum child, I remember those days and yes, even thank the Lord that it isn't me today. This is when a mom needs the most help. Funny though it may be to just NOT look at her. She is as embarrassed as you would be if it was your child. Don't say anything to the child. It isn't helpful. Again, if she catches your eye, a knowing smile or even a "We have all been there," can  be very helpful. 
     I saw a mom with twins in a side by side stroller walking through Trader Joe's, placing the food she needed on the top of the stroller.  I, as a seasoned mom, knew what was coming and could have pointed out a few things she was doing that was about to or could lead to disaster. In fact, truthfully it took all of my strength to keep my mouth shut because I could see the frazzle start to unravel as the twins began to kick and want out of the stroller. Here it comes, you know what is going to happen, don't you? The one little boy pulled on the sun shade where mom was piling up the small amount of groceries she had been putting there. All of the groceries came plopping down onto the floor. CRASH! SMASH! CRACK! It was loud and mom lost it. She started yelling. She was on the verge of hysteria.






 I got away from her and her melt down. The fewer people that are standing staring at you during a melt down the better for your ego later. This story is one reason I love Trader Joe's, and they will have my eternal patronage. There were people all over. One worker grabbed a cart, two started cleaning the floor and another started going around the store replacing everything she had stacked up on the stroller into the cart. They helped her finish shopping and get to the car. That's when I noticed her in the parking lot shutting the back of the mini van with a disgusted and exasperated look on her face. I walked across the parking lot. I didn't know if she was a bottle feeder, a family bed believer, a cry it out, or an executive that is only home a couple days a week. All I knew that she was a mom. A mom with young ones and she had two of them. This woman in my opinion deserved a medal for trying to get out of the house.  I got to her and she looked at me with a worried expression. I often wonder what she thought I was going to say. Did she think I was going to give her unsolicited advice on how to parent better then she did? Then she does? I simply said, "I"m sorry. We have all been there. It happens to us all at some point. It doesn't make it any better, but you aren't the only one. It just wasn't me today."
She started to cry. She said, "I can't do anything. This is so hard. I shouldn't have yelled."
I said, "We all yell at some point. We all loose our cool. And we all make mistakes. This is totally hard, but, you are doing it and you can do it."
     "I can't even leave the house without disaster happening!" She sobbed. 
I so badly wanted to hug her but, I remember having little ones and I barely wanted to stand near people some days because the baby was constantly hanging on me. So I refrained and said, "but, you did make it out today. That is an accomplishment. You can do this." 
She thanked me for coming and being nice as her twins started screaming again. Probably hungry. Probably tired. Probably teething. What other excuses do we give? It doesn't matter. They are screaming, and as a mom it is our job to make it better, or stop. 
      Moms, we are a club unto itself. One that has been around longer then any other club. It's called Motherhood. We don't need a special hat or pin. We wear many tell tale signs on us. All of us. Whether we work in an office or we play "pick up all the toys so you can throw them down again" all day. In the beginning we wear spit up, and faint odors of poop and spoiled milk or formula. We all wear tired eyes, and we carry strange things in our purses. Binky's, teething rings, butt paste, cars, princesses, plastic frogs, and plastic jewelry, barbie shoes, and hair barrettes, baggies of Cheerios, and chewed gum, we carry things in our purses we don't know what they are. I had a collection of rocks in my purse I carried for about a month before I realized they were there. Seriously. Rocks. Women without kids say, how is that possible? How do you not know what is in your purse? Well,.... I don't know. It just happens. I can't explain it. Your purse grows these extra spots that toys and junk fall into that we can't see when we are pulling our cards out to pay at the store. Maybe the purse has magically turned into a Mary Poppins bag, bottomless.
     As you go out into the world today, give another mom that "hi" smile. The, we are the same, look. Give her a chance to see that she isn't alone. Because at some point we all feel alone. 
I don't believe in the village raising my child but, I do believe in other women encouraging, sympathizing, even cheering me on as I get from one milestone to the next. I will do the same for you.  
     If you come up with some secret hand shake or wave we can do to acknowledge each other, please share it but, know that our hands are full and will probably never be able to do it. 

All moms have moments like this. Hands are so full. 

Can't Steal My Joy Today

My normal stance just add two teens and a small dog.

 



      I woke up a little later then I had been waking up. I was super tired from our first day back at our homeschool co-op group. Great day. So as I laid there at 6:20am, I thought well, I should get up and walk. I'll talk to God then. I'll have to read my Bible later.
     So, up and dressed I was, with the dog with her sweater on, and out the door in about 10 minutes. The sun was barely coming up. I had a very determined mind set.
     "OK God. Here I am, what can you tell me? Huh? Well? I'm not hearing you. OK then, I'll tell you all I'm thinking. The kids, the dog, Greg, the house, ...oh I wonder how I'll get that done and this needs to be,.... oh sorry God. OK Where were we? OH Yea, you were going to share some wisdom. No? OK then I'll clear me mind and just wait.... That house is really dark over there. Hey! Someone left dog... ewwww. Stop. OK. Clear mind. Breath. Did I brush my teeth? OH yea..... "
     Then I got to the park. I sat on a bench and watched the water and the sun starting to glint on the waves. I can see the birds circling a school of fish.
     That's when it happened. Peace. Quiet. Stillness. I felt them. I heard them. I could just, ... be them. AAAAHHHHH. This is amazing. Thank you so much Lord. This is the wisdom I needed. Peace. Thank you.
     After several minutes of basking in this new feeling. I decided I better get back home to get the kids started on school work. As I walked I started going over all of the things that bring me joy and happiness. The list was pretty long. I was feeling a warm happy feeling.

So peaceful. So content.

     Then I suddenly just felt hot!  I had a t-shirt, a workout light weight jacket on and a thick sweatshirt so I thought, I'll just take off the sweatshirt. The dog was acting squirrely so, I stepped on her leash and tucked my phone carefully into my waist band of my pants. As I pulled my sweatshirt over my head... BAM!  My phone fell face down on the concrete.  No problem, I barely flinched. I was still in my state of serenity. Besides, I have the 5C. I drop it all the time. The booger is slippery.
     Then I picked it up. "OH NO !! Shoot! ##$%&%&*((!!!! I can't believe it broke that badly! NOOOO!" Seriously. That quick. I went from serene to frustrated and upset.
     Suddenly, I thought, "What am I doing? This is just a phone. I know someone to call and get it fixed, probably today and at my house. I was just so peaceful. I am NOT going to let this make me loose this feeling."
     "You hear me Devil? I'm not letting you take this feeling away."
     Then my texting sound starts beeping like crazy. I looked at it and realized it was my two friends that are in charge of the co-op. They are talking about all the co-op stuff that I dealt with for the last few days that made me so tired the night before. I began to answer them and thought, no. It's him again. That devil is sneaky. Not going to answer until I am home and ready to work on that.
     I got in the door. AAAhhhh so quiet.
     I actually got to start my day, with HIM first. With my Lord. And you know what? I am so glad I didn't let those little things suck me in and ruin my day.
     So, Thank you God for hearing me and helping me hear you today. I am so very blessed. And I know it.
     P.S. Most of the time, I'm not so serene and able to reel all of that back in. This was a rare good day.

This is how I felt the rest of the day.