Dancing.. Oops. Good Morning.

     We've all heard the phrase, dance like no one is watching. There has been many videos of people secretly filming others doing just that. We all laugh and giggle. Maybe even feel a little sorry for the person caught dancing. 

     I wonder if we laugh and giggle nervously partly because we hope it never happens to us. No one wants to get caught in that moment of absolute bliss and far away thoughts. Why does that bother us? Vulnerability I suppose. No one wants to look stupid, right? 

     Well, it happened to me this morning. Thankfully, there were no cameras or phones filming me. That would have been too much. I was hiking up behind my house. I'd taken a bike trail that was pretty secluded at parts and it was early. I'm talking, the sun is barely peeking over the hills. I usually don't listen to music when I walk. It's usually my quiet time but, today I grabbed my headphones at the last minute, found a station on Amazon Prime (pulled up someone my son recommended Ed Sherron???). Well, the music was cranking. The station had all kinds of music with a good beat. I'm embarrassed to say the song Uptown Funk (I've never carried for the song before today. Good beat for dancing ) came on and I started dancing. I mean I was REALLY dancing. Like I would dance when I was 17 and in my bedroom. Twirling and skipping, really letting loose. I did a turn (super cool turn , I might add) and there was a glimpse of someone. I saw his whole face so I know he could see me. OH MY GOSH!! I couldn't believe I'd been caught. Remember I'm on a trail that is very narrow around the side of a steep hill. I had no where to go but forward. So I started to hurry a little, jogging might have happened. I wanted distance between us. Maybe I could loose him. Haha. No way. Only forward and backwards on this trail. He's not turning around so I was going to have to face him. 

     I came to an opening. A place where the trail splits into 4 choices of directions. I stopped and busied myself with taking off my jacket (I'd worked up a sweat dancing so hard). He passed me up with his dog and commented on the beautiful day for a walk. I almost said, "and a dance". But, I controlled myself. I just laughed nervously. 

     He passed me up and I took the lower hill that ran parallel to the harder trail he took. Whew, the humiliation was over. 

     I really have a problem. I couldn't control myself. I figured I got away with it, so I started boogieing again. But I was way more cautious. Well, I thought I was until a shadow was behind me. I give up. I just stopped. This new guy jogged by giggling. That kind of curbed my dancing at least any big dancing moves.  

     The last of the humiliation came as I turned down a trail to go home, and the first guy with his dog came back towards me. WHAT?!?!  No way. Not twice. He said hello again and I said, "Hi. At least I'm not dancing this time."  

     He laughed. 

     Well, as embarrassing as it all was (and I see this man on the trail often. I will see him again. Ugh. ), I feel good today. I'm happy. I woke up feeling an energy and a joy that's I haven't woke up with in ages. And before the sun. I was ready to go walk. I was ready to boogie. 

     So, maybe I lifted that mans spirit a little. Maybe he got a good laugh. I guess I don't really care (I do a little). I still think it's great to dance like no one is watching. Next time maybe I'll be a bit more careful to look around first. Hahaha. 

     So, there is your embarrassing moment for today. Brought to you by me. 

     Have a good day and dance today. Dance hard. 

Accountability

    I am wanting to loose weight and feel fit and healthy again. So, I have been reading and praying about the topic of accountability quite a bit.

          The Bible says much about Christians gathering and spending time together to be stronger. "Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17 We all have heard it. We know we are stronger together.
     "Where two or more of you gather, there I will be also."Matthew 18:20.

      With these verses and so many others, an idea of an "accountability partner" has come about. Interestingly, the idea of an accountability partner, doesn't stay in the Christian world. In church we have prayer partners or accountability partners we can call when facing a trial. But, in business, fitness, and so many other areas of society, this idea has caught on.

     I was reading a business book the other day to help encourage my business mind. The other says it is great to have an accountability partner to encourage each other to not fall behind on your hustle, your goals.  Read any challenge: Green smoothie, exercise, detox, running, house organization, etc. and they all tell you to have an accountability partner to help and encourage each other to follow through.

     I'm not so sure an accountability partner is always helpful though. I definitely understand that you need to surround yourself with like minded people to stay focused. However, I have had some accountability duds. I'm not saying the person was a dud but, the activity that it was supposed to support became a dud.

    It makes me wonder if I picked the wrong kind of partner. Should you choose someone as ambiguous about the activity as myself. Someone on the low rung of the thing I want to accomplish, so we can go it together? Should I choose someone like they do in AA? A sponsor, someone that has been there before but, is on the rode way ahead of me? Or maybe an "expert". Someone that has never struggled with what I am struggling with. Or even a close family or friend that you adore so you can accomplish together.


     I have seen holes in each of these kind of accountability partner. Let's take the first. Probably the most popular because it can take little effort if you want it to. I have had this kind of person as a helper, and encourager, as a pusher. It didn't work. If that person chose to eat cheesecake and beer for the weekend, what am I really going to do? And if I had a Birthday to celebrate, they always said I should go for it and eat the cake. Is that encouraging me to my goal? NO. They are a friend. Someone that doesn't want you to dislike them. And I don't want them to hate me either for being a task master.

     The second kind, the Sponsor type like AA is another choice. This is great, really my favorite kind. But, there are issues here. Not everyone is the same. Just because they went totally vegan doesn't mean that is the best choice for me. Just because they could run 6 miles the right out of they gate, doesn't mean I can. If I were to disagree in their nutritional advice, won't they just think I'm not disciplined enough to do what they did?? This is uncomfortable, unless you are paying them.

     The third type of partner I mentioned is a "professional".  I suppose often this might be helpful if you are paying someone to do this job. But, there is the fact that many of the health experts have never been overweight. ( Unless it's Richard Simmons). They were always athletic and motivated by exercise. Can they really relate to me and my struggle?

    The last one I called out was the beloved friend or family member. This is probably the worst one to do. Again, I don't want to be seen as a nag. I don't want them nagging me either.  Funny how we see the first type as a task master and a beloved friend or family member as a nag.  Well, I do anyway. It's hard to be with someone that you are so close to, that you share many of the same stresses and challenges. Birthday parties, vacations, all of these will be shared and easy to blow off the regiment you are trying to stay on. And those lazy days where a Netflix marathon and a bowl of ice cream, snuggled on the couch seems like the best plan, that loved one would probably rather snuggle or nap instead of go for a hike.

Pizza and Ice Cream. YUM!!!!!

     So, what will I do? I have really been struggling with this.  Here is where I have come to; I have God and myself. Right now I have some things to work through in me that I'm not super excited to share with the someone else.  I am struggling with me waking up and crawling out of bed to hike in the cold morning. No one else can be there when the Littles crawl in bed in the morning and my husband is sleeping peacefully. No one else is there when I am fighting the Blanket Monster to actually get up. I have decided that for now, besides sharing ideas and thoughts here, I will read my Bible in the morning,  and then get up with God to go for my walk/ talk with HIM. He is who I want to be doing this for. HIM and me. My body is to be HIS temple then HE should have a say. And who else can motivate me better then the LORD himself? I'm tired of disappointing myself and feeling less then great when I am not motivating to someone else. God won't disappoint me by have a pig out day because See's Candy was on sale, and He already knows my weaknesses.

     I do have a good Dr. friend that is helping me with what I am doing.  I have my darling husband, that can be a bit of a saboteur. I mean it's so hard to get out of that  comfy, warm bed with him in it in the morning. He can't help making it hard for me to leave in the morning. And I have a friend that is very health minded. She is always on her treadmill and running (now that she runs 5 and 10K's). She shares yummy healthy recipes whenever she tries a new one. I have decided that I have support of some key people but, I don't want them to be holding me accountable. Well, I am more motivated to do this for me then for anyone else right now. I know I'm breaking all the rules but, I am really enjoying going on my hikes alone and spending time praying and talking to God. I can clear my head so well without the prater of someone else, I would have to small talk with. I know that sounds anti-social.  As a mom that homeschools 2 young children and 2 teenagers, and is with at least one of those kids 24 hours of most days, I need 1 hour to be quiet and uninterrupted. I don't need a vacation away from my family but, I do need an hour. One hour 5 times a week. Funny how I can let other things get in the way of that 1 hour.

     I'm going to go make a smoothie so I don't munch while I get the families dinner ready.

What do you think? Have you had success with an accountability partner in the past or at the present? I'd love to hear how it is working out.

All kinds of goodness in there.

   

Holding on to Negative Emotions = Holding on to Weight

Sweeping out God's Temple.

     I started my Temple Sweep today. You can look up the details here temple sweep . I am  adding extra things to mine. Things that as I went on my Gratitude walk, I felt God nudge me to add. I will be doing a 31 days of Blessings on Facebook and Instagram. This will help me to focus on the blessings this month instead of the stress. I will find time to read and be with the Lord each day. 

     I will hike 5 days a week. I will study and learn more about the Essential Oils that I love. That means sharing and writing all of this info down. I want to start doing Oil Maps for people that are wanting to know how to address their specific needs. I have a C.N.C., this means I'm a Certified Nutritional Consultant. I will utilize this as well as all of the other training I have received over the years to help others. 
     

My life plans need to be given to God to plan.
His plans for me will be so much better.

     Today's walk and talk with God was pretty hard on me. I went over all of my wants and desires, all of my things I am grateful for; then I asked HIM to put me into HIS plans. Show me what I am to learn each day. I even promised that as I learned things, if it can benefit others, I will share. Well, that seemed like a great idea until HE answered with something I don't want to talk about or address. But, I guess, I promised and I laid myself out there for HIM to do as He sees fit. So, .... Here it goes. 

Walking and Praying.

     I didn't like where today's prayers went. It went to my weight, as it often does. I am hiking, to help get my body into a state of fitness.  The last few years, I don't feel a sense of fitness. No matter how hard I try. I have some good excuses and they all work for a few minutes but, not for long, and only in my head. 
     In the last several years I have had two things that I hate happen to me. I have developed ridiculous anxiety. I say ridiculous because it doesn't have much rhyme or reason as to when it happens or why. I hate it. It runs in the family, and I was so sure I could over come it. I eat fairly well, I am busy, I don't drink, smoke or anything I thought might encourage anxiety. 
     The other thing is I have gained a significant amount of weight. I hate this just as much. I have been to the Dr., more then one. I have taken tests, I've had personal trainer sessions, I've used the Fit Bit and My Fitness Pal. I've done detoxes. I've hiked until I finally didn't huff up the entire trail. I have done resistance training, etc. But the weight is my millstone. Worst part is, I was always thin growing up. High school I was around 11o at 5ft6 that isn't very big. 

Skinny model trapped in a plus sized lawyer's body.

      So here I sit as heavy as I have ever been and I hate it. I feel like that girl in the show Drop Dead Diva ( a skinny model is given a second chance to life in a super smart but large sized Lawyers body). Sounds weird but, I related. That's how I felt  feel. I do love to cook homemade southern food. I love my crock pot. I used to love to bake (I don't want to eat it).

     Okay, so that was not fun to admit either of those things out loud. Here is the part God really nudged me about. It is grief. Really. I'm serious.  Grief. I have had several things happen in my life in the last 6 years that has caused grief. If you know me, you will be able to pinpoint some easily but, not all of the things. So many things we believe deeply in our very being from a very early age. Probably due to how we were raised or what we were taught. Even just our surroundings cause us to draw conclusions as to how things are supposed to be. When these things don't happen or if something happens to threaten those beliefs, I am feeling grief over having to let go of those things.  Again, some obvious to those around me, and some not even slightly apparent to anyone. 
     Grief is having sadness at loosing something. This feels out of control. Sadly and sickly, I believe that I have been holding on to weight so I have something to hold on to. I know that is messed up. I didn't say it was smart. I just said I believe this is what I am doing. The good thing is, now that I have figured this out, maybe I will be able to "let go" of the weight and the grief.

     I know there are some other factors (this is why I told you about the anxiety attacks), my medicine I take for the anxiety seems to hold on to the weight as well. Since I'm not at a place that I am comfortable stopping the medicine, I will have to figure out how to work around it. Hence, the Temple Sweep. If my body is God's temple, then I will go through and sweep out each and every corner I can. I will continue to pray and ask God for guidance. I would love it if you would pray with me. If you want me to add you to my prayers this month, something you are struggling with, please let me know. 

     In the mean time. I will keep hiking, and praying and sweeping out. I know the blessings God has given me are far more then can be listed in 31 days but, it is a start. 

     December 1 marks the first day of the rest of my month filled with blessings and gratitude.