Holding on to Negative Emotions = Holding on to Weight

Sweeping out God's Temple.

     I started my Temple Sweep today. You can look up the details here temple sweep . I am  adding extra things to mine. Things that as I went on my Gratitude walk, I felt God nudge me to add. I will be doing a 31 days of Blessings on Facebook and Instagram. This will help me to focus on the blessings this month instead of the stress. I will find time to read and be with the Lord each day. 

     I will hike 5 days a week. I will study and learn more about the Essential Oils that I love. That means sharing and writing all of this info down. I want to start doing Oil Maps for people that are wanting to know how to address their specific needs. I have a C.N.C., this means I'm a Certified Nutritional Consultant. I will utilize this as well as all of the other training I have received over the years to help others. 
     

My life plans need to be given to God to plan.
His plans for me will be so much better.

     Today's walk and talk with God was pretty hard on me. I went over all of my wants and desires, all of my things I am grateful for; then I asked HIM to put me into HIS plans. Show me what I am to learn each day. I even promised that as I learned things, if it can benefit others, I will share. Well, that seemed like a great idea until HE answered with something I don't want to talk about or address. But, I guess, I promised and I laid myself out there for HIM to do as He sees fit. So, .... Here it goes. 

Walking and Praying.

     I didn't like where today's prayers went. It went to my weight, as it often does. I am hiking, to help get my body into a state of fitness.  The last few years, I don't feel a sense of fitness. No matter how hard I try. I have some good excuses and they all work for a few minutes but, not for long, and only in my head. 
     In the last several years I have had two things that I hate happen to me. I have developed ridiculous anxiety. I say ridiculous because it doesn't have much rhyme or reason as to when it happens or why. I hate it. It runs in the family, and I was so sure I could over come it. I eat fairly well, I am busy, I don't drink, smoke or anything I thought might encourage anxiety. 
     The other thing is I have gained a significant amount of weight. I hate this just as much. I have been to the Dr., more then one. I have taken tests, I've had personal trainer sessions, I've used the Fit Bit and My Fitness Pal. I've done detoxes. I've hiked until I finally didn't huff up the entire trail. I have done resistance training, etc. But the weight is my millstone. Worst part is, I was always thin growing up. High school I was around 11o at 5ft6 that isn't very big. 

Skinny model trapped in a plus sized lawyer's body.

      So here I sit as heavy as I have ever been and I hate it. I feel like that girl in the show Drop Dead Diva ( a skinny model is given a second chance to life in a super smart but large sized Lawyers body). Sounds weird but, I related. That's how I felt  feel. I do love to cook homemade southern food. I love my crock pot. I used to love to bake (I don't want to eat it).

     Okay, so that was not fun to admit either of those things out loud. Here is the part God really nudged me about. It is grief. Really. I'm serious.  Grief. I have had several things happen in my life in the last 6 years that has caused grief. If you know me, you will be able to pinpoint some easily but, not all of the things. So many things we believe deeply in our very being from a very early age. Probably due to how we were raised or what we were taught. Even just our surroundings cause us to draw conclusions as to how things are supposed to be. When these things don't happen or if something happens to threaten those beliefs, I am feeling grief over having to let go of those things.  Again, some obvious to those around me, and some not even slightly apparent to anyone. 
     Grief is having sadness at loosing something. This feels out of control. Sadly and sickly, I believe that I have been holding on to weight so I have something to hold on to. I know that is messed up. I didn't say it was smart. I just said I believe this is what I am doing. The good thing is, now that I have figured this out, maybe I will be able to "let go" of the weight and the grief.

     I know there are some other factors (this is why I told you about the anxiety attacks), my medicine I take for the anxiety seems to hold on to the weight as well. Since I'm not at a place that I am comfortable stopping the medicine, I will have to figure out how to work around it. Hence, the Temple Sweep. If my body is God's temple, then I will go through and sweep out each and every corner I can. I will continue to pray and ask God for guidance. I would love it if you would pray with me. If you want me to add you to my prayers this month, something you are struggling with, please let me know. 

     In the mean time. I will keep hiking, and praying and sweeping out. I know the blessings God has given me are far more then can be listed in 31 days but, it is a start. 

     December 1 marks the first day of the rest of my month filled with blessings and gratitude.