Dancing.. Oops. Good Morning.

     We've all heard the phrase, dance like no one is watching. There has been many videos of people secretly filming others doing just that. We all laugh and giggle. Maybe even feel a little sorry for the person caught dancing. 

     I wonder if we laugh and giggle nervously partly because we hope it never happens to us. No one wants to get caught in that moment of absolute bliss and far away thoughts. Why does that bother us? Vulnerability I suppose. No one wants to look stupid, right? 

     Well, it happened to me this morning. Thankfully, there were no cameras or phones filming me. That would have been too much. I was hiking up behind my house. I'd taken a bike trail that was pretty secluded at parts and it was early. I'm talking, the sun is barely peeking over the hills. I usually don't listen to music when I walk. It's usually my quiet time but, today I grabbed my headphones at the last minute, found a station on Amazon Prime (pulled up someone my son recommended Ed Sherron???). Well, the music was cranking. The station had all kinds of music with a good beat. I'm embarrassed to say the song Uptown Funk (I've never carried for the song before today. Good beat for dancing ) came on and I started dancing. I mean I was REALLY dancing. Like I would dance when I was 17 and in my bedroom. Twirling and skipping, really letting loose. I did a turn (super cool turn , I might add) and there was a glimpse of someone. I saw his whole face so I know he could see me. OH MY GOSH!! I couldn't believe I'd been caught. Remember I'm on a trail that is very narrow around the side of a steep hill. I had no where to go but forward. So I started to hurry a little, jogging might have happened. I wanted distance between us. Maybe I could loose him. Haha. No way. Only forward and backwards on this trail. He's not turning around so I was going to have to face him. 

     I came to an opening. A place where the trail splits into 4 choices of directions. I stopped and busied myself with taking off my jacket (I'd worked up a sweat dancing so hard). He passed me up with his dog and commented on the beautiful day for a walk. I almost said, "and a dance". But, I controlled myself. I just laughed nervously. 

     He passed me up and I took the lower hill that ran parallel to the harder trail he took. Whew, the humiliation was over. 

     I really have a problem. I couldn't control myself. I figured I got away with it, so I started boogieing again. But I was way more cautious. Well, I thought I was until a shadow was behind me. I give up. I just stopped. This new guy jogged by giggling. That kind of curbed my dancing at least any big dancing moves.  

     The last of the humiliation came as I turned down a trail to go home, and the first guy with his dog came back towards me. WHAT?!?!  No way. Not twice. He said hello again and I said, "Hi. At least I'm not dancing this time."  

     He laughed. 

     Well, as embarrassing as it all was (and I see this man on the trail often. I will see him again. Ugh. ), I feel good today. I'm happy. I woke up feeling an energy and a joy that's I haven't woke up with in ages. And before the sun. I was ready to go walk. I was ready to boogie. 

     So, maybe I lifted that mans spirit a little. Maybe he got a good laugh. I guess I don't really care (I do a little). I still think it's great to dance like no one is watching. Next time maybe I'll be a bit more careful to look around first. Hahaha. 

     So, there is your embarrassing moment for today. Brought to you by me. 

     Have a good day and dance today. Dance hard. 

Accountability

    I am wanting to loose weight and feel fit and healthy again. So, I have been reading and praying about the topic of accountability quite a bit.

          The Bible says much about Christians gathering and spending time together to be stronger. "Iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17 We all have heard it. We know we are stronger together.
     "Where two or more of you gather, there I will be also."Matthew 18:20.

      With these verses and so many others, an idea of an "accountability partner" has come about. Interestingly, the idea of an accountability partner, doesn't stay in the Christian world. In church we have prayer partners or accountability partners we can call when facing a trial. But, in business, fitness, and so many other areas of society, this idea has caught on.

     I was reading a business book the other day to help encourage my business mind. The other says it is great to have an accountability partner to encourage each other to not fall behind on your hustle, your goals.  Read any challenge: Green smoothie, exercise, detox, running, house organization, etc. and they all tell you to have an accountability partner to help and encourage each other to follow through.

     I'm not so sure an accountability partner is always helpful though. I definitely understand that you need to surround yourself with like minded people to stay focused. However, I have had some accountability duds. I'm not saying the person was a dud but, the activity that it was supposed to support became a dud.

    It makes me wonder if I picked the wrong kind of partner. Should you choose someone as ambiguous about the activity as myself. Someone on the low rung of the thing I want to accomplish, so we can go it together? Should I choose someone like they do in AA? A sponsor, someone that has been there before but, is on the rode way ahead of me? Or maybe an "expert". Someone that has never struggled with what I am struggling with. Or even a close family or friend that you adore so you can accomplish together.


     I have seen holes in each of these kind of accountability partner. Let's take the first. Probably the most popular because it can take little effort if you want it to. I have had this kind of person as a helper, and encourager, as a pusher. It didn't work. If that person chose to eat cheesecake and beer for the weekend, what am I really going to do? And if I had a Birthday to celebrate, they always said I should go for it and eat the cake. Is that encouraging me to my goal? NO. They are a friend. Someone that doesn't want you to dislike them. And I don't want them to hate me either for being a task master.

     The second kind, the Sponsor type like AA is another choice. This is great, really my favorite kind. But, there are issues here. Not everyone is the same. Just because they went totally vegan doesn't mean that is the best choice for me. Just because they could run 6 miles the right out of they gate, doesn't mean I can. If I were to disagree in their nutritional advice, won't they just think I'm not disciplined enough to do what they did?? This is uncomfortable, unless you are paying them.

     The third type of partner I mentioned is a "professional".  I suppose often this might be helpful if you are paying someone to do this job. But, there is the fact that many of the health experts have never been overweight. ( Unless it's Richard Simmons). They were always athletic and motivated by exercise. Can they really relate to me and my struggle?

    The last one I called out was the beloved friend or family member. This is probably the worst one to do. Again, I don't want to be seen as a nag. I don't want them nagging me either.  Funny how we see the first type as a task master and a beloved friend or family member as a nag.  Well, I do anyway. It's hard to be with someone that you are so close to, that you share many of the same stresses and challenges. Birthday parties, vacations, all of these will be shared and easy to blow off the regiment you are trying to stay on. And those lazy days where a Netflix marathon and a bowl of ice cream, snuggled on the couch seems like the best plan, that loved one would probably rather snuggle or nap instead of go for a hike.

Pizza and Ice Cream. YUM!!!!!

     So, what will I do? I have really been struggling with this.  Here is where I have come to; I have God and myself. Right now I have some things to work through in me that I'm not super excited to share with the someone else.  I am struggling with me waking up and crawling out of bed to hike in the cold morning. No one else can be there when the Littles crawl in bed in the morning and my husband is sleeping peacefully. No one else is there when I am fighting the Blanket Monster to actually get up. I have decided that for now, besides sharing ideas and thoughts here, I will read my Bible in the morning,  and then get up with God to go for my walk/ talk with HIM. He is who I want to be doing this for. HIM and me. My body is to be HIS temple then HE should have a say. And who else can motivate me better then the LORD himself? I'm tired of disappointing myself and feeling less then great when I am not motivating to someone else. God won't disappoint me by have a pig out day because See's Candy was on sale, and He already knows my weaknesses.

     I do have a good Dr. friend that is helping me with what I am doing.  I have my darling husband, that can be a bit of a saboteur. I mean it's so hard to get out of that  comfy, warm bed with him in it in the morning. He can't help making it hard for me to leave in the morning. And I have a friend that is very health minded. She is always on her treadmill and running (now that she runs 5 and 10K's). She shares yummy healthy recipes whenever she tries a new one. I have decided that I have support of some key people but, I don't want them to be holding me accountable. Well, I am more motivated to do this for me then for anyone else right now. I know I'm breaking all the rules but, I am really enjoying going on my hikes alone and spending time praying and talking to God. I can clear my head so well without the prater of someone else, I would have to small talk with. I know that sounds anti-social.  As a mom that homeschools 2 young children and 2 teenagers, and is with at least one of those kids 24 hours of most days, I need 1 hour to be quiet and uninterrupted. I don't need a vacation away from my family but, I do need an hour. One hour 5 times a week. Funny how I can let other things get in the way of that 1 hour.

     I'm going to go make a smoothie so I don't munch while I get the families dinner ready.

What do you think? Have you had success with an accountability partner in the past or at the present? I'd love to hear how it is working out.

All kinds of goodness in there.

   

Holding on to Negative Emotions = Holding on to Weight

Sweeping out God's Temple.

     I started my Temple Sweep today. You can look up the details here temple sweep . I am  adding extra things to mine. Things that as I went on my Gratitude walk, I felt God nudge me to add. I will be doing a 31 days of Blessings on Facebook and Instagram. This will help me to focus on the blessings this month instead of the stress. I will find time to read and be with the Lord each day. 

     I will hike 5 days a week. I will study and learn more about the Essential Oils that I love. That means sharing and writing all of this info down. I want to start doing Oil Maps for people that are wanting to know how to address their specific needs. I have a C.N.C., this means I'm a Certified Nutritional Consultant. I will utilize this as well as all of the other training I have received over the years to help others. 
     

My life plans need to be given to God to plan.
His plans for me will be so much better.

     Today's walk and talk with God was pretty hard on me. I went over all of my wants and desires, all of my things I am grateful for; then I asked HIM to put me into HIS plans. Show me what I am to learn each day. I even promised that as I learned things, if it can benefit others, I will share. Well, that seemed like a great idea until HE answered with something I don't want to talk about or address. But, I guess, I promised and I laid myself out there for HIM to do as He sees fit. So, .... Here it goes. 

Walking and Praying.

     I didn't like where today's prayers went. It went to my weight, as it often does. I am hiking, to help get my body into a state of fitness.  The last few years, I don't feel a sense of fitness. No matter how hard I try. I have some good excuses and they all work for a few minutes but, not for long, and only in my head. 
     In the last several years I have had two things that I hate happen to me. I have developed ridiculous anxiety. I say ridiculous because it doesn't have much rhyme or reason as to when it happens or why. I hate it. It runs in the family, and I was so sure I could over come it. I eat fairly well, I am busy, I don't drink, smoke or anything I thought might encourage anxiety. 
     The other thing is I have gained a significant amount of weight. I hate this just as much. I have been to the Dr., more then one. I have taken tests, I've had personal trainer sessions, I've used the Fit Bit and My Fitness Pal. I've done detoxes. I've hiked until I finally didn't huff up the entire trail. I have done resistance training, etc. But the weight is my millstone. Worst part is, I was always thin growing up. High school I was around 11o at 5ft6 that isn't very big. 

Skinny model trapped in a plus sized lawyer's body.

      So here I sit as heavy as I have ever been and I hate it. I feel like that girl in the show Drop Dead Diva ( a skinny model is given a second chance to life in a super smart but large sized Lawyers body). Sounds weird but, I related. That's how I felt  feel. I do love to cook homemade southern food. I love my crock pot. I used to love to bake (I don't want to eat it).

     Okay, so that was not fun to admit either of those things out loud. Here is the part God really nudged me about. It is grief. Really. I'm serious.  Grief. I have had several things happen in my life in the last 6 years that has caused grief. If you know me, you will be able to pinpoint some easily but, not all of the things. So many things we believe deeply in our very being from a very early age. Probably due to how we were raised or what we were taught. Even just our surroundings cause us to draw conclusions as to how things are supposed to be. When these things don't happen or if something happens to threaten those beliefs, I am feeling grief over having to let go of those things.  Again, some obvious to those around me, and some not even slightly apparent to anyone. 
     Grief is having sadness at loosing something. This feels out of control. Sadly and sickly, I believe that I have been holding on to weight so I have something to hold on to. I know that is messed up. I didn't say it was smart. I just said I believe this is what I am doing. The good thing is, now that I have figured this out, maybe I will be able to "let go" of the weight and the grief.

     I know there are some other factors (this is why I told you about the anxiety attacks), my medicine I take for the anxiety seems to hold on to the weight as well. Since I'm not at a place that I am comfortable stopping the medicine, I will have to figure out how to work around it. Hence, the Temple Sweep. If my body is God's temple, then I will go through and sweep out each and every corner I can. I will continue to pray and ask God for guidance. I would love it if you would pray with me. If you want me to add you to my prayers this month, something you are struggling with, please let me know. 

     In the mean time. I will keep hiking, and praying and sweeping out. I know the blessings God has given me are far more then can be listed in 31 days but, it is a start. 

     December 1 marks the first day of the rest of my month filled with blessings and gratitude. 

Charm Bracelets and Milestones

Very eclectic charm bracelet representing all of the places a soldier from WWII
brought home from his tour of duty.

          Did you know that Charm Bracelets have a long history. Many believe the first ones were more talismans to ward off evil spirits.  Many charms were made of bone or shells depending on what part of the world they were from.  In Egypt 1,000's of years ago, charms were used to not only show luck and faith. They were also thought to help the gods identify who they were in the afterlife.
      Jewish people used charms to carry scripture close to them.  Christians wore tiny fish to identify themselves to each other. Roman and medieval soldiers wore charms for protection when they go into battle.  Charm bracelets have been the subject of several waves of trends. The first charm bracelets were worn by Assyrians, Babylonians, Persians, and Hittites and began appearing from 600 – 400 BC.

     Queen Victoria in the 1800's started a fashion trend by wearing and giving charm bracelets as gifts. When her beloved Prince Albert died, she made the "mourning" charm popular. A mourning charm is a locket with the hair of the deceased maybe a picture of them and often carved in black.

     Charm bracelets continued as Tiffany and Co. introduced their signature bracelet in the late 1800's. Soldiers coming home after WWII would bring home charms made from all the many different places they had fought in to give to loved ones. 

     The charm bracelets most of us remember during the 50's and 60's, that were made popular by the American teenagers (our grand parents). They would collect charms to record  events in their. Elizabeth Taylor and Joan Crawford along with other famous celebrities encouraged this fashion. Many of them wearing charm bracelets on the red carpet. 

     Charm bracelets began to loose their popularity until around 2000. And now the types of charm bracelets are numerous. There are build a bead type, european flat bracelets, Pandora type and still the ever loved dangle charm bracelet. 

     Charm bracelets have been used for many things. To collect where someone has visited, just fashion as in all blue charms or all charms of similar type. Some charm bracelets have one charm; a single heart, maybe or a locket. Some may represent something special in that persons life; music, drama, books, fairy tales, hearts, states or places one has traveled, or just a jumble of different items that represents that persons life to them. 
     I've now seen charm bracelets that are for a persons wedding, new baby, their pet, etc. A whole bracelet dedicated to one milestone or event. 
      

Milestone bracelet. Many different things
that represent the owner.

Music, drama, worship.

All hearts. Probably from different places.

Looks like things and places that this person has been or done. 

     I love the Milestones and things that represent you type of charm bracelet.  I have had a love of these fun dangly type of bracelets ever since I first saw one.

H-represents my name, Just Breathe-double meaning, I forget to breathe and have anxiety,
also, I use essential oils and I need to inhale sometimes. Pray- Important to me to pray often.
Blue stone- My birth stone, aquamarine. Family- so important to me.
Cross- Jesus needs to come first. Flip Flop- well, if you know me that is easy.
And the diffuser locket- a way to diffuse my chosen essential oil of the day.
This is my bracelet that I made that represents me. Have more I could add.

     I have decided that I will start a charm bracelet for my daughter. I will make a milestone and representation type. She is excited. This is something she can build on to for years to come. Or maybe it will be the first of many more to come.

     So, all of that to say, I am excited to start making charm bracelets. I may even start selling them. I want a way for others to be able to use their essential oils (so helpful for stress, anxiety, focus and uplifting joy). So this little bracelet may be a gateway into my already growing passions.


     So, do you have a charm bracelet? Did I peak your interest into having one? What a great item to hand down to your daughter, or granddaughter. I can't wait to make more for my friends and family. Maybe they would just be a starter if they choose to add more to it later.

How to Find Some Sanity With a Mind Dump.

     Let me start by saying that I totally understand the way a woman's mind works as far as the way each subject intertwines with the next. Our minds are like spaghetti. Each thought easily slips to the next without any explanation as to how I got from the grocery list to where I left my pedometer, to why the kids have been irritated with each other, to when the last time was I changed the sheets.




     This is a normal flow of thoughts for me and I know for many women. Add a husband, and children into the mix and wow it can now go through this and so much more at lightening speed. Sometimes without the ability for me to slow it down, much less stop it to say... sleep. Praying is when I get in trouble. Prayer is supposed to be a time to sit and be still with God. UUMMMM, well.... that is almost impossible some days. Even some weeks. So why? Why did God make us this way?
      We as moms, as women are made to multitask. It is a gift and a curse. But, we do it all day long. I don't even go to the bathroom without either having something to look over or have to answer 12 questions of my children.  My answer to so much of this almost chaotic mind buzz has been a list. A simple form I made up. I use a steno pad and have it with me all the time. I can use it to write all kinds of things down when I need to. But, I mostly use it to keep my day/week all together so I don't miss anything. 

     Well, that works pretty well. How often does something different then your usual daily stuff come along and blow up your spaghetti mind? Makes it swirl and whirl to such a speed that I can almost not do anything that isn't auto pilot and stare into nothingness, not knowing how or where to start attacking each thing. Maybe it's a new deadline, maybe a new baby, a new puppy, maybe potty training, or school starting, a friendship dying out, a child going through a new phase, husband having  stuff at work that is weighing heavy on him. Any of these issues and so much more can send us into a tailspin. 

      So, now that I have pointed out the obvious, what can we do?  While on my hike one morning I was really struggling with being able to pray. I couldn't get my mind to form any sort of straight line of thought. My brain was whirling like that ride at the fair that you stand up and are strapped to the wall. Finally, I just cried out. "OH Lord! Help me with my schedule and my responsibilities. You can see them much clearer then I and can see where I need to prioritize. I'm too close to see clearly.  I have an overwhelming desire to sit down in all of it and do nothing. Please Lord help me."

      This may sound like a petty prayer to some. I mean, I'm not asking God to cure cancer or heal a sickness or even to find someone a job. I was asking him to help me with my schedule. A daily thing everyone has and must deal with. I must just be too weak to handle what I have on my plate. I mean other people do this sort of thing all the time without crying out to God.  These were my thoughts or actually the enemies. Because, why do I not think that God cares about my daily activities as well as my sanity. Let's face it. Those daily tasks and thoughts are what makes up our sanity.

      I got the strangest answer ever. The theology of how or anything else doesn't matter. I know the answer was from Him who loves me and wants me to be sane and capable. 

      The words I got in my brain were....MIND DUMP. Really? What in the world?

Inside of my brain.

     Then I saw it unfold in my minds eye. A long paper, actually pages taped together to make a sort of time line type of thing. Then I was to dump it all. Not randomly but in an order so I could see everything that I was responsible for. And by seeing it and writing it all in its own place, it was easier to see it all at once instead of thinking about it all at once. Now I don't know if it would work for you but, it helped me. Here is part of my mind dump. It is messy and not fancy. I guess I could go back and make it nicer but, I'm not sure how long I will need it. 

Yes, I know it is simple and a bit ugly but, it helped me get my spaghetti brain in perspective and then I was able to see what things were important and what wasn't.  I put at the top of each page a topic that was the main topic in my brain; like relationships, Faith, household, maintenance, homeschool, and several others. Then under the main topic I made sub topics (some times I had to add a page in between) like, under homeschool I put Organizing, planning, daily executing. Then I would add what I needed to do under that subcategory; Clean out school room, put together and clean out old supplies and list what I need new, set up all curriculum so that it is easily accessible, set up the desks, tables,  folders, etc. Anything I could think of to get ready. 

      One thing I realized in the mind dump was how many things weren't a permanent topic. Once school started back up that section would shrink tremendously. As well as, a few other topics would also be completed. Not an ongoing thing. That helped me realize that if I could put as many of those short term things in the top priority spots to get accomplished, I could slowly clear up my poor over worked brain. 

     Most of the items on the mind dump don't go away. And new items will fill up the finished ones, but this was a great way for me to stop and get off the Tilt-A-World that was my mind and grab that bull by the horns. I felt like I had some control over what my day would look like.

     I don't know if you are going through this Tilt-A-World kind of day but, if you are I encourage you to do your own mind dump. I realize it could be in a circle or a cluster or even a straight line, it doesn't matter, just however your mind works. I liked the timeline because for me, it was easy to make and to add things in the middle of a line by un-taping and adding a blank page. 

     I hope I have helped you today with my crazy thoughts and ideas. Let me know if you got anything from this today.

     Now to drink my "Yucky Tea" and build a book shelf.

New to Homeschooling? You Can Do It.

     I remember the months when I was researching and reading everything I could get my hands on about homeschooling when my oldest was about 2 ½ -3 years old. I was a preschool teacher before I had him and I didn't see the use of sending my baby to preschool when I could teach all of what he would learn. I wasn't big on letting go of my baby for several hours a day at this point.
     I found a local homeschool group. I had gotten their name from another group and their phone number (no one had websites then). I called and talked to the nicest lady. Becky was her name. I still know and respect Becky so many years later. She encouraged me to come to a park day and a Mom's Night Out. I wasn't so sure. But, I made an effort to go to the MNO. I was completely overwhelmed by what they knew and how they seemed so nonchalant about what they were doing.
      Well, months passed and I was doing school stuff with my big boy and we were having so much fun. I found a couple of moms to meet at the park occasionally, but that never seemed to go over well. Honestly, the other kids were mean. Hitting and biting and my kid was always on the receiving end of this. He hated it. I hated it. We stopped.
      Then came baby number 2. He was very ill and all thoughts of school were on the back burner. His stint in hospitals and monitoring blood and meds lasted for several months. But, once we were home safe and sound, I really kicked into germ mode. KIDS ARE GERMS. Other peoples kids of course.

Germ filled monster. Just look at him ready to spread germs to my darlings.....

     After having such a sick baby I was terrified of him getting sick again. I kicked schooling the boys into high gear. I tried to go to another MNO or two of that group I had found but, was always so overwhelmed. They were so nice but, I just couldn't get past all of their sharing of how this could work. It was too much at once.
     We went like this until my oldest became 6. That is the age for mandatory attendance in school of some form. It was kindergarten. Come on, I could do kindergarten, right? How hard can it be? I went back to that homeschool group and devoured all the info I could. Curriculum, schedules, books, classes, groups, park days, you name it. I was in. But just for kindergarten. Only weird Kool-aid mustache kids with big hairy dogs in station wagons homeschooled. And I really refused to wear a denim jumper (the "required" uniform of all homeschool moms).
      Kindergarten was over and now we were looking at 1st grade. I went back to the sparse internet to find chat rooms of homeschoolers. Maybe I could find some people to connect with. The first group I found was having a park day. It was close so we went. I introduced ourselves and the kids were off to play. After a few minutes my oldest came to me and said, "Mom, the kids are all wearing small bags around their necks. Why?"
      I had no idea. So I asked, thinking maybe they had all made a craft or something. The other moms told us they were the kids bags of spells. That it was to protect them and get them used to having them with them.  I was somewhat shocked. I asked what kind of teaching they were using (trying not to be rude). They said they were a group that practiced Wicca. Really. Wicca.
     We left. I did much research on them after that meeting and was amazed at all that the Wicca community had said about homeschooling and how important it was to them to have the freedom to teach their kids their beliefs. I didn't go back to the group but, I gained enormous respect for them and their beliefs.
      The next local group I found was at a park just down the street. I checked to see their beliefs and found they were an open group to any belief. I figured, well that might be a fit. But, I wasn't going to jump in and join the group playing right away this time. My kids and I held back and played on our own while I watched to get an idea of who these people were.
      You will never guess what showed up! Seriously. It was like a page out of my fears. An old wooden paneled station wagon pulled up and parked.

It wasn't this nice.

It was very dirty with a bent antenna. When the doors open a giant, dirty, hairy sheep dog jumped out.

This big dirty beast.

Then came the kids. There must have been 6 of them. All wearing very wrinkled and looked kinda dirty clothes. It looked like they may have slept in them. All of their hair was everywhere. AND (I'm not kidding), they all had what appeared to be Kool-Aid stains on their upper lips. Kool-Aid mustaches.




And to top it all off, the mom gets out of the coughing station wagon in a.... Wait for it.....

That was not making me happy at all. I am not going to wear one of those.

DENIM JUMPER.
     So, I was trying to get over my shock that exactly what I had told my husband my vision of what homeschool families are like, just stepped into my line of view, when these kids started beating the crud out of each other. Girls, boys all of them, hitting and wacking each other. They had lightsabers, wooden swords and even sticks. It looked like Lord of the Flies. I wondered how long before the moms noticed. I realized the moms were encouraging it. Cheering them on and laughing.
     "O.K. Boys we are out of here."
All I could think is that, I was right. All homeschoolers are WEIRDOS. Really. Now what? I needed help navigating the basics of homeschool but, I cannot connect with these people. They and I are not the same. HELP.
     After agonizing over all of this for a couple of weeks. I signed us back up to homeschool and tried to reconnect with the original group I had talked to. Sweet Becky was there again. She got me signed up in the group so I could get the paper newsletter in the mail. (I'm telling you this was 15 years ago).
     I got the newsletter and read it. OK, I should meet these people. So, I started going to the MNO.  I was so uncomfortable I didn't know anyone and I really was brand new. These ladies had been doing this forever. They would try to help me and I would leave feeling like I was drowning. Like I had been blasted all night with a fire hose. I would come home and my husband would ask how it was. I would want to cry but, I stayed positive for him. "It was fine. The ladies are nice. I have a lot to learn."
     I would spend hours at night and at nap time following bunny trail after bunny trail on the internet. Remember, the internet was very unsophisticated. Yahoo groups were king. I read and read and took notes. I learned about so many different kinds of ways to homeschool. So many curriculums and Styles. I didn't know there was a style of homeschooling. And the groups all said you needed to declare your style. Some groups were very exclusive and high IQ's and some were so lackadaisical, they played Legos all day long.  There was the " you have to write out all lesson plans and follow them to a tee groups" and the "all play is school. Don't worry. They'll learn eventually".  I wasn't buying either group. I had to find my own ground. I needed something in the middle. I went to the book store (we had so many books stores then. No Amazon), and thumbed through many books. Again ranging from one extreme to the other. I found a few I thought might be helpful.

The Unschooling Handbook This book was great. It gave me a good overview of what really Unschooling is. That it isn't lazy parenting. That it was actually way more work for the parent if done the right way.

Should I Homeschool by Elizabeth and Dan Hamilton. This is an old book. Written in 1997. But, it gave a great over view of what homeschooling was and where to start.

There were so many more. Some of them weren't very helpful. But these were the first ones. Now there  is a plethora of books and information. Maybe too much. It can get mind boggling. But, remember you are doing this for your family. Not just for you and not just for your children.

      I know you think you are doing this for your children.  Just wait. You will be surprised who it is that changes and grows because of this new adventure you are looking into. You will grow so much. I went through all of the emotions you are, and all of the same fears. What if I mess up my kid? What if he ends up having to live with me for the rest of his life because he can't function in society? What if he never gets married because he's weird? What if he can't be a good employee? What if he doesn't go to prom? How will it effect him if he never has a group of kids to get together with 20 years from now for a reunion? Will he have friends? How can I teach him to read? Write properly? Do I have to let him dissect a frog on my kitchen counter???? Am I qualified? Am I able to do this? Will my husband support this? Will my extended family think I'm crazy? (Mine already did). Will he be normal? Wait! What is normal? And so many more of these kind of questions floated in my head at 2am. I prayed so much.
     Please believe me.  This is life changing. You will become a better person and more well rounded as well from doing this. I realized how much I didn't know.  Guess what? I learned so much more then I ever did in school. And I was actually enjoying it. Now that doesn't mean that all days are rosey and fun. No way. So many days I left the table thinking, this is crazy. Why am I subjecting myself and my kids to this? Why not send them to school and get my life back. I could have a clean house and time to do things. I don't even know what things I would do now but, I'm sure there are things. When Jr. High hit for each of my boys, I actually cried a few times. I lost it. I yelled. gasp.  Everyone knows that a homeschool mom is full of immeasurable amounts of patience. NOT.    But, we stuck it out and we started to have familiar people we saw at assemblies and park days with this homeschool group. I could actually talk to these ladies and ask if I was going crazy or if I was doing it all wrong and should just cut my losses.  Without me realizing it I found a friend that I could call on the phone (before text and Facebook) and vent a little and laugh a lot. I don't know that she was my best friend in the whole world, but she was my homeschool friend that was in the trench next to me.
      As time went on I had baby number 3 and 4. Baby number 3 put me on I bedrest for 6 months. Everyone asked if I'd put the boys in school. All I could think was, WERE THEY CRAZY? There was a good portion of that was selfishness. I was a afraid I'd curl up and die without my boys to be here. That I would feel I had failed. (this is my feelings. Not what anyone else should feel or believe).   Also, it really seemed like I would be sending them away in the middle of life. Shouldn't they be a part of our family and what is going on? We homeschooled through it and it was the best thing for us. We got so close and have so many stories and really my kids learned so much that year. We had an amazing curriculum that year. It was the first year I had bought a curriculum in a box. An all in one.
It was called

My Father's World Exploring Countries and Cultures


I had never done this kind of curriculum and I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it. It was all scheduled out and planned out so overwhelming. I'm more of a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl. I like a spine but, not a full fleshed out thing like this. I learned quickly that I don't have to do everything on the schedule. I can and should make any curriculum I am using my own.  This realization is huge. If you are new, you are thinking, how? I'm not a teacher. I don't have a degree. I don't know how to do this. You will learn I promise. Give yourself permission to not do everything.  It is freeing and empowering. This is one of the biggest benefits that I have gotten from homeschooling my kids. Strength and the ability to say, "enough." I know it sounds weird but, you can do this.
     Last night I did a homeschool information night with a dear friend. There were probably 12 people there, including 2 dads. My friend and I took turns answering questions, and sharing what we could. I felt badly looking into these moms and dads faces and seeing all of the stress, confusion and bewilderment on them.  I wish I could do it for you. Give you a curriculum and hold your hand. Help you execute it. But, this is like labor. You can have whoever you choose to be there helping and coaching you but, no one is pushing that baby out but, you. I can share my experiences and give any advice you ask for; and I will but, again, you can do this.

     Never in time has there been so many options available to you and so confusing. There are so many curriculums, styles, beliefs.  When someone tells you this is the only way to teach something stop and re-think it. Truth is, there are a million ways to teach anything and so much to learn and teach. It is limitless what you could teach and all learn together. We have done some boxed curriculum, we've done Unit Studies, we've done some of the latest and greatest that others talk about and we have done some of the very old McGuffey reader type of schooling. I am sure there are many more ways we will find to teach and learn over the years to come. But, the questions I ask for my family are; are you learning anything of value, are you enjoying it at all? Is there something else you want to learn?
     Again I say, you can do this. And you aren't alone. We should all be grateful to the families that pioneered this for us all in the 1980's and 1990's. The ones that did this when it was thought to be illegal and there was no curriculum for them to wade through. They did this (denim jumpers and all) so that we can have the freedom to teach our children.
     One more thing. Homesschoolers are all different. There are Brainiacs, Hippies, Religious, Atheist,  Athletes, Surfers, Fast Food Lovers, Organic Crunchies, Liberals, Conservatives, and so much more.














You cannot put homeschoolers in a box anymore and assume they are all alike. I truly haven't seen those station wagon, Kool-Aid mustache homeschoolers again but, I suppose they are still out there too.  Just know there is one rule when you homeschool and that is that you are a veteran homeschooler to anyone that you have homeschooled one day longer then someone else. And we are all going for the same goal: happy, healthy children. So we always help others out, no matter what our differences are.
     Have fun. Stop and watch the caterpillars crawl. This is an amazing lifestyle you are choosing.